THE ACME ZEPHYROS — ROOM LORE COMPENDIUM

Home South America THE ACME ZEPHYROS — ROOM LORE COMPENDIUM


“There is no such thing as too much information. Only too little surviving personnel.”
— Captain Aurelia Rimeforge, 1899

🅰️ DECK A — COMMAND & OPERATIONS

Navigation Bridge

Primary Function: Steering the Zephyros through the skies of South America.


Established: 1899


Lore:


  • The Navigation Bridge is the oldest surviving part of the ship — the only room untouched when the Zephyros underwent its accidental “phase shift” in 1912. The brass levers are original; the inscriptions on them were carved by the first crew, a group of cartographers whose eyesight was not considered reliable. This explains why some labels read “LEFT,” others “NOT LEFT,” and one simply says “PROBABLY.”
  • The massive viewing windows were installed after the Great Fog Disaster of 1934, when the ship confidently parked itself inside a cloud for three weeks, disrupting local meteorology and several migratory bird patterns.

Known Incidents:

  • The Mutiny of the Compass Rose (1903): The compass spun so aggressively it hypnotized three officers.
  • The Parrot Takeover (1971): The macaw commandeered the wheel. The ship traveled backwards for six hours.

Restricted Knowledge:


The red cord behind the helm is connected to a system whose true purpose has been lost. All notes claim: “Do NOT pull.”

Captain’s Office

Primary Function:

Mission approvals, reprimands, hard candy distribution.


Lore:


  • The Captain’s Office has belonged to twelve captains, four impostors, and one ghost (1927–1929). The walls are lined with antique maps that rearrange themselves to minimize embarrassment when the ship is off course.
  • The grandfather clock was acquired in Cusco in 1904. It chimes only when something significant is about to happen — never when it is happening. The current Captain uses it as a stress indicator.

Famous Items:

The Emergency Tea Cabinet, restocked annually in Britain by a volunteer pigeon.
-The Drawer of Regrettable Decisions, containing old mission proposals like “Attach Wings to a Jaguar” and “Let’s Test Gravity.”

Situation Room

Primary Function: Mission planning, debriefings, disagreements about maps.


Lore:


  • The rotating holographic map in the center was installed in 1965 after ACME briefly received funding from an unknown benefactor described only as “the time traveler who overspent.” No one knows how it works. It moves when it feels like it.
  • This room has one of the highest rates of paper-loss aboard the Zephyros. Documents left on the central table have been known to vanish, reappear months later, or migrate to the Archive.

Notable Events:

  • Two agents once conducted an entire briefing upside down after the gravity inverter misfired.
  • A llama wandered in during the 2008 Ecuador briefing and was promoted on the spot.

🅱️ DECK B — SCIENCE & EXPERIMENTATION

Experimental Laboratory

Primary Function:

The creation, testing, and occasional containment of ACME prototypes.

Lore:


  • The lab has produced over 1,200 inventions, including successes like the Portable Atmospheric Sniffer and failures like the Self-Folding Human (withdrawn after public complaints).
  • Drawer #7 remains sealed after the infamous Incident of the Multiplying Hands. Everyone involved is fine now, though they occasionally wave at unusual angles.

Typical Smells:

  • Burnt sugar
  • ozone
  • Unexplained cinnamon (origin unknown)

Famed Discoveries:

  • The reversible machete (failed safety trials)
  • The edible compass (tastes like regret)

Zoological Observation Bay

Primary Function:

Study of regional fauna, particularly creatures agents are likely to meet.


Lore:


  • The Observation Bay houses South American species brought aboard for study — and for intimidation drills involving large capybara psychology.
  • The macaw, Señor Picos, arrived in 1942 and has outlived six handlers. He knows more about the ship than is comfortable.

Notable Escape Events:

  • Operation Rodent Exodus (1983) — the capybaras organized a surprisingly peaceful rebellion.
  • The Llama Standoff (1999) — negotiation exercises were later added to agent training.
  • A plaque reads:
    “If you see an empty cage, notify staff immediately.
If the staff is missing too, initiate Level 2 Caution.”

Botany & Biome Chamber

Primary Function:

Study of ecosystems agents encounter.


Lore:


The chamber can simulate rainforest humidity, high-altitude thin air, and Atacama dryness. A single fern has survived all three simultaneously and is worshipped by botanists as “The Indestructible One.”

Known Hazards:

  • Vines that move when unobserved
  • Sand that whispers
  • A cactus that grades visitors’ posture

Scientific Achievements:

  • The world’s first fruit that peels itself (then runs away)
  • Soil samples that levitate when annoyed

🅲 DECK C — LIVING QUARTERS & WELLNESS

Agent Cabins

Primary Function:

Sleep, storage, and existential contemplation.
Lore:
Every cabin contains a standard ACME footlocker with:

  • A parachute
  • Three emergency notepads
  • One mystery item left by previous occupants

Because the Zephyros experiences mild spatial drift, cabin numbers occasionally rearrange. Agents are advised to remember their bed by texture, not location.

Historical Notes:

  • Cabin 12 once vanished for six months. It returned with a postcard from Machu Picchu.
  • Cabin 7 is larger on the inside. No one talks about it.

Mess Hall

Primary Function:

Nutrition, morale, and questionable flavor experiences.


Lore:


The Mess Hall menu cycles through:

  • Arepas
  • Empanadas
  • Stews of unknown origin
  • Coffee capable of reviving the unrevivable

The espresso machine is sentient and temperamental. It only works for agents with “the right aura.”

Events:

  • Taco Thursday Riot (2004) — ended peacefully with extra guacamole.
  • The Great Spoon Shortage (2016) — still unresolved.

Recreation & Fitness Room

Primary Function:

Combat training, cardio, and leisure.


Lore:


  • The treadmill runs on kinetic enthusiasm. When agents lack motivation, the machine compensates by speeding up.
  • The punching bags occasionally punch back — a known feature.
  • One mysterious ACME device sits heavily in the corner. It hums. Engineers label it:
    “Uncatalogued. Do Not Stand Near This End.”

Sauna & Restabilization Suite

Primary Function:

Wellness and psychological recalibration.


Lore:


  • Developed under the principle “Healthy agents survive longer,” the sauna helps agents decompress from mission fatigue, altitude sickness, and the emotional toll of prototype explosions.
  • The Anger Processing Chair was installed after the Brazil Incident of 1993, when two agents argued about whether piranhas had regional dialects.

🅳 DECK D — STORAGE, TRANSPORT, SUPPORT

Cargo Hold

Primary Function:

Supply storage and mystery containment.


Lore:

  • 
The crates are catalogued monthly, though the list changes without input.
  • Some crates appear on their own, labeled in handwriting no one recognizes.
  • Crate 42 once produced a humming sound that lured three interns into a near trance. The crate is now padded and fed a bland diet.

Regulation:


Do NOT touch anything glowing, humming, vibrating, or apologizing.

Engineering & Propulsion Room

Primary Function:

Keeping the Zephyros airborne and reality mostly stable.


Lore:


  • The hybrid steam-quantum engine was designed by Professor Hortense Valvemeister, who insisted, “It will either be the greatest achievement in engineering or a spectacular obituary.”
  • The engine produces mild time distortion. Tools left here may return before they were removed.

Notable Malfunctions:

  • Reverse gravity (twice)
  • Spontaneous fog generation
  • A brief episode of the ship speaking fluent Portuguese

Hangar & Deployment Bay

Primary Function:

Launching field agents into the world.


Lore:


  • The mini-dirigibles are hand-painted annually by interns.
  • The toucan glider has flown exactly once — and technically landed somewhere.
  • The parachutes are numbered, but the numbers rearrange weekly.

Deployment Protocol:

  • NEVER jump without verifying wind direction.
  • If the wind direction cannot be verified, wait 30 seconds and try again.
  • If it still cannot be verified, ask a capybara.

🅴 DECK E — MYSTERIOUS, UNMAPPED, AND RESTRICTED

The Archive

Primary Function:

Storage of all knowledge ACME cannot easily categorize.


Lore:


  • The Archive is older than the ship. No one knows how that’s possible.
  • The shelves are carved from heartwood trees now extinct, and the scrolls sometimes whisper.
  • Documents reorganize themselves into themes such as:
    –“Disasters Avoided”
    –“Disasters Caused”
    –“Disasters Pending”

Warning:
Reading aloud scrolls older than 800 years may initiate mild summoning.

Temporal Storage Closet

Primary Function:

Preservation of time-unstable objects.


Lore:


Inside are:

  • Watch parts ticking backwards
  • Photographs that age forward and backward
  • A future newspaper headline: “ACME Declared Surprisingly Responsible.”

The room is locked at all times.
The key is kept in a different room every day.

The Unmapped Corridor

Primary Function:

Unknown.


Lore:


This corridor measures anywhere between 5 meters and infinity. Explorers report:

  • Doors to rooms that no longer exist
  • A stairwell that loops
  • A vending machine offering snacks from the 1970s through 2070s

One rumor suggests this corridor is the “memory” of the ship.

Guideline:
If you see yourself walking out, leave immediately.

🛡️ RULES & REGULATIONS FOR ALL ACME AGENTS

Safety First. Survival Optional.

ACME strongly prefers agents remain intact.

Wear your ID badge at all times. Even in your sleep.
 Especially in your sleep.

All prototypes must be checked out. Even the ones that look like toys.
 Especially those.

Never antagonize wildlife. Especially capybaras — they hold grudges.

Do not adjust the Zephyros thermostat. The ship becomes testy.

Always attend mission briefings. They are mandatory unless you have a written excuse from the captain, chief engineer, or spectral entity in the Archive.

Respect quiet hours. Except during lightning storms, training exercises, emergency descents, surprise inspections, or Tuesday salsa night.

Report all anomalies. Examples include:

  • Wobbly gravity
  • Duplicate agents
  • Doors that now lead somewhere else
  • Sudden tango outbreaks

Never press the red button. No exceptions.

Always carry a notebook. Knowledge is power.
 Also, the Zephyros occasionally erases digital files.

⚙️ AGENT RANK STRUCTURE

Cadet

Learning basic navigation, research, and survival. May carry clipboards.

Field Agent

Standard operative. Expected to behave responsibly (usually).

Senior Agent

Trusted with high-risk missions and the espresso machine.

Specialist

Expert in a biome or culture. Titles include:

  • Desert Analyst
  • Rainforest Technician
  • Tango Liaison
  • Llama Negotiator

Operative First Class

May lead missions, mentor interns, and sign evacuation forms. Master Agent
Has completed at least one mission intentionally.

Chief Expeditionary Officer

Reports directly to the Captain. Rarely seen without coffee.

📜 FINAL NOTICE FROM THE CAPTAIN

“Remember: the Zephyros is a living ship—mostly metaphorically, partly literally.
Treat her with respect, follow regulations, and never underestimate the power of properly labeled equipment.”