ACME FIELD AGENT TRANSPORTATION METHODS — SOUTH AMERICA EDITION

I. Conventional & Plausible Methods (ACME-Approved… Mostly)

1. Jungle-Compatible Options

• All-Terrain 4×4 Vehicles
  Modified for rainforest mud, river fords, and casual jaguar encounters.
• Motorbikes / Dirt Bikes
  Used for rapid escapes from angry capybaras.
• Pack Mules & Horses
  Standard issue in the Andes; often outrun agents on bad days.
• Kayaks / Canoes
  Essential for Amazon tributaries too narrow for boats and too wide for jumping.
• Bush Planes
  Small, loud, shaky—ACME’s favorite combination.

2. Mountain & Highlands Transport

• Cable Cars / Funiculars
  Especially around La Paz, Quito, and Medellín—agents required to “act casual” while dangling thousands of feet above ground.
• Andean Locomotives
  High-altitude oxygen masks sold separately.
• Llama Caravans
  Slow but judgemental; excellent at navigating scree slopes.

3. Urban & Overland Transport

• Metro Systems (Santiago, São Paulo, Buenos Aires)
  Frequently used for undercover work and churro procurement.
• Buses & Minibuses
  CAUTION: South American bus drivers are faster than most F1 racers.
• Taxis & Ride-Share Apps
  Use if you need quick transport and unsolicited football commentary.

4. Water Transport

• River Barges
  Best used for long-hauls through the Amazon Basin.
• Coastal Ferries
  Agents often required to wrestle for deck space with penguins in southern Chile/Argentina.
• Fishing Boats
  Often used as “informal Uber Boats.”

5. Air Transport

• Regional Commercial Flights
  Fastest way between far-flung cities (e.g., Bogotá → Manaus).
• Helicopters
  Used for Andes ridge landings, lost-city retrievals, and dramatic entrances.

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II. ACME-Invented Transportation (Highly Experimental, Mildly Catastrophic)

6. The ACME Self-Inflating Jungle Zeppelin (Model SJZ-7)

Deploys from a backpack. Floats gently over rainforest canopy. Occasionally eaten by oversized harpy eagles.

7. The Instant Trailblazer 3000™

A device the size of a thermos that instantly lays a temporary walkway through jungles, swamps, or red tape. Melts after 48 hours or when exposed to salsa music.

8. The Llama-Powered Hover Sled

A proud collaboration between Andean shepherds and ACME engineers. Hovers 10 cm above ground. Llamas remain confused but cooperative.

9. The Amazonian Submersible Bubble Pod (A.S.B.P.)

Clear acrylic sphere that lets agents roll underwater like a hamster ball. Great for river reconnaissance and baffling piranhas.

10. The ACME Zip-Line Launcher Wrist Gauntlet

Fires a titanium cable up to 400 meters. Used for crossing ravines and impressing local children. Training strongly recommended.

11. The Capybara-Towed Skimmer Sled

ACME discovered that capybaras form “draft lines” when running. Attach sled. Hang on. Try not to scream.

12. Solar-Powered Mountain Glider (Condor-Class)

Designed to mimic a condor’s flight pattern. Condors are usually unimpressed.

13. The Instant Dirt-Bike-in-a-Box™

Foldable motorcycle. Open the box → WHOOMPH → fully assembled.
(Note: prior prototypes occasionally assembled angry.)

14. ACME Geo-Teleportation Error Machine (Prototype XE-1)

Officially banned. Rarely sends agents where intended.
Known destinations include:

• the middle of Lake Titicaca
• the roof of an alpaca farm
• the wrong century

15. The Cactus-Camouflage Sprint Suit (Southwest Variant)

Lets agents blend with desert environments of northern Chile, Peru, and Argentina. Grants +10 stealth, –15 dignity.

16. Amazon Canopy Zip-Bike

An overhead monorail-bike hybrid. Pedal along cables strung between trees. Not compatible with toucans (they peck the gears).

17. ACME Andes Stone-Skipper Boots

Allow agents to run across small lakes by skipping like flat stones.
Warning: Requires perfect timing. Failure results in “dramatic splashing.”

18. The “Chasqui 2.0” Messenger Drone Shoes

Inspired by the Inca chasqui runners.
Battery-powered rocket boost: 3 seconds.
Total control: 0.8 seconds.

19. ACME Reinforced Hang-Hammock Para-Sail

Hammock by night, parasail by day.
Excellent for escapes from treetop camps.
Not recommended near waterfalls.