ACME Inspirational Quotes

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QUOTES BY AGENTS & EXECUTIVES OF ACME

Executive Leadership Quotes

Director Aurelia Gearhart, Supreme Chair of Operational Chaos

  • “At ACME, failure is simply success that exploded early.”
  • “Remember: safety is our third priority. Fun and innovation still compete for first.”
  • “If it hasn’t been attempted before, we probably already have a prototype.”
  • “All great discoveries begin with the phrase, ‘How hard can it be?’.”

Vice President of Exotic Transportation, Dr. Horatio Plume

  • “No vehicle becomes truly tested until an intern accidentally launches it.”
  • “Our dirigible fleet is 98% safe. The other 2% is what makes life interesting.”
  • “Gravity is not an enemy—just an occasionally disgruntled collaborator.”

Chief Inventor Felicity Quark

  • “If you can imagine it, we can build it. Whether we should is a separate department.”
  • “Every invention has a purpose. Some are even intentional.”
  • “Prototypes are like children: you love them, nurture them, and try not to let them set anything on fire.”

Chief Logistics Officer Maxwell Bolt

  • “The key to ACME logistics is simple: ship quickly, label vaguely, deny everything.”
  • “Incoming supplies are like meteors—unexpected, fast, and often on fire.”

Field Agent Quotes

Agent Lark “Compass” Mendoza, South America Division

  • “A good field agent always has three things: a backup plan, a backup to the backup plan, and an apology prepared for HQ.”
  • “If the jungle is quiet, something is planning to eat your lunch. Or you.”
  • “Maps lie. Land speaks. Listen carefully.”

Agent Roland “Detour” Kovacs

  • “I don’t get lost. I discover alternate mission routes.”
  • “Obstacles are just future bragging rights.”

Agent Talia “Zero-Visibility” Noor

  • “If you can’t see the path ahead, congratulations—you’re on an official ACME assignment.”
  • “Stealth is key. Unless there’s an explosion. Then just look busy.”

Agent Lucio Vega, Senior Recon Specialist

  • “Never underestimate a mountain. Or an ACME climbing harness.”
  • “If you hear a clicking sound, move. If the clicking sound follows you, file a report. If it catches you, well… good luck.”

Engineering & Lab Quotes

Dr. Penelope Wrench, Head of Experimental Devices

  • “The first question is never ‘Will it work?’ It’s ‘Do we have fire insurance?’”
  • “If a device malfunctions, that’s a discovery. If it malfunctions twice, that’s a pattern. If it malfunctions three times, congratulations—it’s now standard ACME equipment.”

Professor Jinx Hendley, Temporal Research Division

  • “Time travel is perfectly safe as long as you don’t do it.”
  • “If you meet your future self, do not take advice. They already know you won’t listen.”

Chief Test Pilot Sven ‘Impact’ Halberg

  • “Gravity is the world’s oldest quality-control inspector.”
  • “If a test flight ends where it began, that’s either a success or a wormhole.”

Middle Management (the real heroes)

Regional Coordinator Janice Birchwood

  • “Paperwork is the glue that holds ACME together. Also, actual glue. A lot of it.”
  • “Remember to log every mission detail—especially the unbelievable ones. They help the insurance department.”

Operations Manager Eduardo Veloz

  • “At ACME, punctuality is optional, but enthusiasm for improbable solutions is mandatory.”
  • “If the plan doesn’t work, change the plan. If the plan fights back, run.”

Miscellaneous ACME Personalities

Helga Stormhammer, Senior Safety Officer (Retired After Incident #448-B)

  • “Our accidents are simply reminders of why we have a Safety Department.”
  • “If the alarm sounds, stay calm. If the alarm begins running, follow it.”

Unnamed Intern (name lost after filing cabinet collapse)

  • “I didn’t sign up for danger pay. I just signed a form. I think.”

ACME Corporate Motto (Unofficial but widely believed)

  • “Innovation. Imagination. Indestructible spirit. And occasionally indestructible interns.”