Tour the Laboratories of Tomorrow—Today!

Step right up, ladies and gentlemen, and witness the beating heart of invention itself! At the grand intersection of Progress and Catastrophe, you’ll find the ACME Gears World Headquarters, a triumph of modern engineering and mild hazard. Since 1723, this noble edifice has been the birthplace of mankind’s most ambitious breakthroughs—and a few well-documented “learning experiences.”

Visitors enter through the magnificent Hall of Remarkable Regrets, where you can marvel at our famous Instant Hole (secured behind three velvet ropes and one nervous guard), or gaze upon the legendary Exploding Chicken of ’87, still faintly ticking with pride.

From there, our guided tours whisk you through the Worm-Powered Propulsion Wing, the Jet Pack Safety Simulation Chamber, and the ACME Patent Vault, which contains over 12,000 inventions, 9,000 warnings, and 17 still-active patents of unknown function.

Enjoy refreshments in the rooftop Inventor’s Café, where waiters deliver sandwiches via pneumatic tube (accuracy not guaranteed), and don’t miss the clock tower—its great revolving gear has not stopped once since 1887, largely because no one can locate the switch.

Here at ACME, we believe the future isn’t built—it’s accidentally discovered.
So come take the tour, sign the waiver, and experience innovation the ACME way:
“If it hasn’t been tested on interns, it’s not ready for the public.”

Visitor’s Floor Guide to ACME Gears World Headquarters

(Complimentary with every signed safety waiver)

Ground Floor – The Hall of Remarkable Regrets

Main Entrance Rotunda: Featuring the revolving brass gear logo and complimentary earplugs.
Hall of Remarkable Regrets: Displays the most notable inventions from three centuries of “productive misfires,” including the Exploding Chicken, the Perpetual Motion Lunch Cart, and the Auto-Apologizing Door.
Gift Kiosk: Postcards, miniature Instant Holes (non-functional), and commemorative lab goggles.

2nd Floor – Research & Development (Mostly Controlled)

The Worm Propulsion Laboratory: Home of the Worm-Powered Tractor Shoes and the Inchworm Commuter Vehicle. Please avoid stepping on research subjects.
Applied Jet Propulsion Division: Site of the Jet Pack Safety Improvement Program (helmets provided, fuel optional).
Hallway of Sudden Drafts: An ongoing side effect of ventilation experiments.

3rd Floor – The Department of Theoretical Possibilities

Temporal Mechanics Wing: Dedicated to exploring time travel, déjà vu, and the occasional déjà vu.
Dimensional Folding Room: Once folded itself. Currently under reconstruction.
Brainstorming Chamber: Equipped with lightning rods for “atmospheric inspiration.”

4th Floor – Engineering & Testing Facilities

The Pressure Chamber of Unsure Purpose: Loud, mysterious, and probably important.
Explosive Materials Office: Moved here after the previous office “ceased to exist.”
Prototype Wind Tunnel: Formerly a hallway.

5th Floor – Administration & Public Relations

Executive Gear Suite: Offices of the President, Vice President, and Senior Vice President of Regrets.
Public Relations Department: Crafting apologies since 1894.
Patent Vault: Containing 12,000 active patents, 9,000 warnings, and several patents that patent themselves.

6th Floor – The Inventor’s Café & Observation Deck

Inventor’s Café: Serving food, drink, and occasional sparks. Popular items include Steam-Whipped Coffee and Shock-Tart Pastries.
Observation Deck: Offers panoramic views of the city skyline and occasional glimpses into alternate realities.
Pneumatic Tube Delivery System: Still delivers most items… somewhere.

Sub-Basements (Access Restricted)

Sub-Basement A: Prototype Storage and the Instant Hole Containment Unit.
Sub-Basement B: Worm Propulsion Training Arena and Unclaimed Jet Packs.
Sub-Basement C: Classified (even from management). Rumors include robotic badgers and the Original Lemon-Powered Submarine.

Roof – The Grand Gear Clock Tower

Dominating the skyline, the revolving ACME Gear has turned continuously since 1887, powered by an unknown combination of steam, ambition, and wishful thinking. Maintenance crews are reminded never to attempt synchronization—time itself seems to protest.

Safety Notice (Issued by ACME Legal Department)

All visitors must sign Form 27-B/6: “Acknowledgment of Possible Spontaneous Innovation.”
Eye protection is mandatory on all floors above the first and below the roof.
In case of fire, explosion, or temporal collapse, please follow the glowing arrows or nearest intern.